Stress, Anxiety, Burnout: How Running on Empty Sneaks Up on You

A few weeks ago I asked a group I was coaching what the biggest challenge in life is right now. Most of those ladies gave the same answer: burnout.

I wasn't surprised. This is a subject that comes over again and again. I did a series of videos on this in 2023. I've been there myself, and I see it every week in the people I coach. So over the next few weeks I'm going to talk about burnout: what causes it, what it looks like, and what you can do to find your way out.

Let's start with a story.

"When was the last time you did something just for fun?"

The year was 2001. I still remember walking into my therapist's office feeling like my life was moving without me. I didn't want to give up. I just felt trapped, as if I'd lost the script for my own story.

Her first question was so simple it caught me off guard: "When was the last time you did something just for fun?"

My mind went blank. I couldn't remember. That freaked me out.

Back then my days were a blur of too much work and too little joy. I felt overlooked in a dismissive, male-dominated office. Layoffs kept piling up, and my work visa kept me anchored to that job. And I was homesick. So, so homesick.

I thought that if I just kept pushing and kept smiling, it would all come together. It didn't. I was exhausted but couldn't sleep. I was stressed but couldn't slow down. And I felt sad without knowing why. When my doctor finally named it, the word was burnout, and it had led me into depression.

Burnout doesn't happen overnight

What I understand now is that burnout is the end of a road, not a single bad week. It usually builds in three stages:

Stress. Something hard happens: a demanding job, a move, a sick parent, a season with too much on your plate. You push through. And you keep going.
Anxiety. The stress never switches off. Your mind races at night, your shoulders live up by your ears, and you feel "on" all the time. And you still keep going.
Burnout. Eventually something in you shuts down. You go numb. You're simply done. And you have to keep going.

That third stage is the tricky one, because burnout doesn't stay in one corner of your life. You start to detach from the problem, say your work. But you also detach from the people around you: your partner, your kids, your friends, your own personal time. The things that used to fill you up stop reaching you.

And your body starts sending signals too.

The signs to watch for

Burnout shows up in your mind, your relationships and your body. Watch for these:

You can't concentrate. Emails take twice as long, presentations drag on, and the creativity that used to flow feels empty.
You're irritable. You snap at colleagues or family, then catch yourself thinking, "I shouldn't have said that."
You pull away. You skip family events and stop seeing friends, partly because you don't want to snap at anyone, partly because you just don't want to be with anyone.
You feel numb. You've stopped doing the things you loved, and you don't even miss them. Work you once cared about feels like going through the motions.
You can't sleep. You're exhausted, yet you can't fall asleep, you wake in the night, or you wake up just as tired.
Your body sounds the alarm. Constant fatigue, headaches, stomach aches, or one cold after another in the same month.

Maybe you're like my friend Sarah, who sat in her car crying every morning before she walked into work. Or like my past client, Mike, whose child started asking why he was "grumpy again."

If you see yourself in this list, please hear this: you're not lazy, and you're not weak. Your body and heart are telling you something important. They need you to listen.

Why pushing harder doesn't work

Burnout isn't the kind of tired you can sleep off over a weekend. It's what happens when we live too long without rest, compassion and boundaries. So the instinct most of us have, to try harder and push through, only feeds the cycle.

When my doctor explained what was happening to me, it felt like someone had handed me a map back to myself. More than that, they handed me permission to slow down.

This matters, because burnout left alone doesn't stay put. It can lead to a mental or physical shutdown, where your emotions overwhelm you or your body is so depleted that you end up in the emergency room. That's not meant to scare you. It's a reason to take the early signs seriously. I was already depressed.

What actually helps

Here's what I wish someone had told me sooner: you don't need a dramatic overhaul. Burnout heals one small, loving action at a time. I'll go deeper into recovery at the end of this series, but you can start today:

Do one kind thing for yourself today. Even something as small as stepping outside at lunch to feel the air on your face.
Set one tiny boundary. For example, no work email after 6 PM.
Say "me too" to someone. A friend, a coworker, a support group. Being honest about how you feel lightens the load more than you'd expect.
Get support. A doctor, therapist or coach can help you see the way forward when you're too tired to find it on your own. If the heaviness won't lift, please talk to your doctor.

You deserve to feel like you again

Your exhaustion isn't a character flaw. Your sadness isn't weakness. Your need for rest isn't failure.

You deserve mornings that feel light again, and a Monday that doesn't fill you with dread. That future is waiting for you, and the first step is simpler than you think.

Rest. Ask for help. And trust that brighter days are ahead, because they truly are.

Want to see where you are right now? Book a free Coffee & Chat with me https://attractwell.com/ChrisDrewCoaching/scheduler/coffee-chat. Next week: what's actually causing your burnout, and the question underneath it all.