What's Really Causing Your Burnout?

Last time we talked about the signs of burnout: the exhaustion, the irritability, the numbness. Today I want to look at what drives us there in the first place.

Before you read on, pause for a moment. Think about why you might be feeling this way. Or think about someone close to you, a colleague, a friend, a partner, who seems to be running on empty. What do you think is behind it?

Ambition is good, up to a point

Part of burnout comes from us. We're always striving for more and working hard to get there. Ambition is a good thing, until it stops being in harmony with the rest of your life. When the striving never pauses, it starts to cost more than it gives.

The most common causes

Here's what I see again and again, at work and at home:

No breaks. It's work, work, work. No downtime, no self-care, no time with friends and family, nothing that isn't about getting things done.
Too much on your plate, and doing it all yourself. Long hours, a workload that keeps growing, and the belief that you have to handle it alone instead of delegating.
No support. At work, maybe leadership or your team isn't behind you. At home, maybe your partner or family isn't sharing the load. Either way, you feel alone.
Missing resources. You don't have what you need to do the job well, and nobody is offering it.
Not asking for help. This one is sneaky. When we're overwhelmed we tend to isolate, so we don't tell anyone what we need. And then we feel even more alone.
Not feeling heard or seen. When nobody listens, or you feel overlooked or treated unfairly, it wears you down.
No acknowledgment. Believe it or not, it can come down to a single word. When you keep putting in more and more and nobody recognizes it, the tank empties fast.
Tiredness itself. Lack of sleep is a symptom of burnout, but it's also a cause. Overwork, isolation and pushing through all create exhaustion, and exhaustion makes everything else heavier.

When I look back at my own burnout in 2001, I can tick almost every box: too much work, too little rest, and a dismissive office where I felt undervalued, overlooked and stuck.

The question underneath

The list above explains a lot. But there's often something deeper that keeps us on the hamster wheel, foot pressed on the gas, even when we can see where it's heading.

Many of us, women especially, learned early that love, safety or belonging came from being good, helpful and productive. We became "the reliable one": the person who remembers every birthday, picks up the slack, and says yes before the question is finished. That can turn into over-functioning and people-pleasing, and it makes stopping feel almost impossible. In my case, I was reliable on myself, and only myself.

So here's the question I ask the women in my circles:

What are you afraid would happen if you stopped?

Take a breath before you answer. Maybe you're afraid things would fall apart, or that people would be disappointed in you. Maybe you'd be seen as lazy or selfish. Maybe you'd finally have to feel everything you've been outrunning.

A few more questions to sit with: